Schnikes

There are a lot things I want in life. I want to go to the college of my dreams. I want to do nothing but sit and devour all the books I possibly could. I want a new laptop. I want my hair to not drive me crazy everyday. I want to know I'll have a good future. I want someone to love me always and never falter. I want, I want, I want...
But what about what I need?
Well, I need food. And shelter. And a caring environment. And faith. But I also need those moments that make me remember why I'm here.
Sunday was the second day of tour and that evening New G performed our fifth time within a 24-hour period. Needless to say, we were all exhausted, but during rehearsal Bemo, (our director) had us run through Down to the River to Pray, my personal favorite song to sing. However, this time we added another verse where the entire chorus sang. Usually, we have a soloist at the beginning, then we grow to three singing (all a Capella), then more stand, turn, and raise our heads to look up and away, our attention held securely by the Lord. By the fourth verse, the entire group is standing and singing out, then we all slowly fade out after that one verse and the soloist is left to sing the final line of the song. This time, though, we came back with all the heart and strength we could conjure up within us. As we practiced it, I could tell this would be the moment to beat in our performance. And yet I had no clue the impact it would have on me when it came time to actually deliver.
It started out as always, peaceful and wondrous, as the majority of the group stayed seated and turned around on the risers. I stood up to come in with a selected few for the second verse, and held my chin high and tried to convey the meaning behind the words in my eyes and face as best I could. And then it came time for everyone else to stand up beside me. Our voices ebbed and flowed through the chorus, building the anticipation for the verse of sinners. What happened next was purely subliminal.
We hit the audience with full force and I could feel every note, every syllable, every ounce of power we had coming over and through me. At that moment, I couldn't think of anything except how wonderful it is to feel the presence of God and to be shaken by Him right to my core, to my soul.
I felt invincible.

We Aren't Superheroes

Being in New G has opened several doors for me. It has allowed me to learn a new way of becoming closer to God. It has given me opportunities to make new friends and get to know friends I already had even more. And if all this happens just during the school year, it is multiplied even more so during summer sing outs and on tour. Although I did have bittersweet feelings about going on this year's tour, because so many of the people I went with last year were not coming back.

Actually, I've felt bittersweet about a lot going on in my life in recent months. My grandma moved out of the house where a good chunk of my childhood took place. Several of my close friends graduated from high school and are heading off to college. I'm going about to start my senior year of high school. I have to make decisions about what I want to do and where I'm going after I graduate.

All these things either scare me to death or make me long for the days where all I had to worry about was who I was going to sit next to during lunch or whose house the sleepover was going to be this coming weekend. But worrying about all this won't get me anywhere. Worry and anxiety can only lead to more worries and a whole lot more anxiety.

I bring this up because it ties so perfectly with the Sermon in Song's message this year: Definitions. You have to decide how to handle a situation. You decide how it will affect you. You decide how to define the moment, instead of letting the moment define you.

And in some moments, you have to learn to let go, and give it up to God. We aren't made to be invincible. We aren't made to be superheroes. But we could be. Just let God in, and we could be.

Mysteries

I didn't intend on having this blog be all about my views on faith, but a lot of my thoughts are tied together and it makes up so much of who I am, that I can't help but have it show through my writing.

A year ago I was sitting in the same kind of place I am now. In an airline-like seat, listening to a road trip playlist, while surrounded by nearly 100 of my peers making our way around the country. The New G summer tour. I was so excited to be going for the first time last July. I had paid every penny myself of the $700 required to go and received another $350 for food and other things from a scholarship they offer to kids who need a little extra help.
That year we were headed to New York City, a placed I'd only dreamed of being able to go to someday. The anticipation grew, and finally the day to leave had come. I had thought so much of the fun things I'd see and places we would go that I had forgotten the reason of our mission: To praise God and spread his word through song. I wish I had stuck to this more closely, but if I've learned anything over the years, it's to not dwell on the past and what I cannot change.
Now, a year later, I sit on a Heartland bus identical to ones from last tour, and think through what all has happened in the past two days, and also in the past several months, and how my life could never be the same. A deeper faith, a wider outlook on the future, and a love so strong when I think of it you could knock me over with a feather.
God works in mysterious ways for sure. And he definitely knows what he's doing.