Do you smell that? The stench is overwhelming.
Second semester is here, pressing itself so closely to me that I feel the weight all the time.
Musical. Scholarships. NHS. Get a job. IB exams and IAs. TAG movie. College. Get a job. College. College.
Breathe... Breathe... Breathe...
Too many times I feel compared to my older brother, and it seems like I am living part time in his shadow. I am judged by what he has accomplished and I have not. I am pushed too far to have my bar set higher than his. For this, I fight to have my voice heard everyday, everywhere.
I am not my brother's sister. I am Erin. My own person, with my own limitations, and my own future ahead of me. I make my own path, not follow in someone else's footsteps.
I fight so much more vigorously now that people I've had as mentors have left. I miss them dearly and life doesn't quite work the same as when they were here. I felt myself with them, that I was Erin with them. Now I need to learn to be Erin with everyone else.
So this will be my goal for second semester. Not a resolution, but a goal I can strive for and keep the rest of this year and into my college days.
Part of growing into adulthood is separating from our identity as whoever-we-are-in-the-family to who-we-are-as-an-individual-adult. You are one of the most exceptional young women I have ever known (one of the reasons we were delighted to have you watch our daughter). Transitions are difficult. Anticipating unknown change is really hard. Don't know if it helps, but you are not alone in the feelings you express... and they will not last forever.
ReplyDeleteI believe the most valuable things we can do (for humility, for growth, for confidence and for our future family) is to come to peace with ourselves. Not an easy task.
If I were you, I would be super pleased with exactly who I am. You are quite amazing and we over here love you more than you know!