Faith is for God

I take my faith very seriously. It's become a large part of who I am and I wouldn't be where I am without it. 

Growing up Catholic hasn't been easy, especially when I started going to youth group at WPCC six and a half years ago. I got two different viewpoints on so much and it was hard to pick out what I thought was right. But there isn't a right and a wrong in faith. If what you believe in doesn't fit in just one religion, then that's okay. What's important is figuring out what you believe in and what you yourself stand for. Personally, I look at religion as a relationship, not as something I follow blindly. I need to find comfort and peace in God. I've also never, that I can remember, had a moment of hesitation about my faith. In times of hardship in my life, I don't think my faith has ever been shaken or questioned. I've always turned to Him for support and to give me strength. I can't say it's been a piece of cake, or that I haven't been upset with God about something. I'm saying I know that I could never go through life without Him, so why would I try?

People who know me like to poke fun at the fact that I'm Catholic, and I usually don't mind it. But once in a while, I wonder if they realize my faith and my religion are separate things to me. No, I don't agree with a lot the Catholic church stands for, but that doesn't mean I don't partake in mass every Sunday, or that I dismiss everything I'm taught. The majority of my freshmen year I went through confirmation classes, and was made an official member of the church. I think it's important to go to mass every week, although for different reasons that my dad, family, or priest may have in mind. In eighteen years, it's seemed that I have had to go to church because that's what expected of me. When I was younger, I was expected to dress nicely, or older adults would give me looks. I was expected to genuflect, even though I didn't know why. I was expected to say a prayer, any prayer, before mass started, even though no one had explained how. 

It felt like I was going for everyone else, and not for God.

Now I still try to look nice, but I may wear jeans every other Sunday. I feel that it doesn't matter what I'm wearing. God knows that I'm not being disrespectful, just comfortable. I don't genuflect, because... Well, because I never have. I understand what it is now, but I've never became comfortable enough with it. (I would also say I don't because of my joint pain, but since my eighty-something year old grandma still genuflects and kneels every mass, I don't find it a legitimate excuse.)

Praying, on the other hand, I make sure to get right. I talk to God as I would in any conversation with another person. Each time I make sure to give the greatest thanks to God for all I've been blessed with. For a roof over my head, food on the table, and the family in between. I pray thanks for the friends I have and have had. I pray thanks for Tyler, my best friend in the whole world. I also pray for those who I know need prayer, and that God gives them peace and guidance. I pray for my own troubles last. I pray for more understanding and wisdom, instead of less stress and anxiety.

I don't often remember to give my troubles to God in the moment. I think I'm on my own and have to deal with it as such. But when I sit down to pray, I realize I could have given myself so much relief if I had let go, and let God. It feels so wonderful to have that weight off my shoulders. This past week I needed to figure out how to explain something very important to someone, and I prayed for the right words to say. Later I thought to write a letter, an idea I can only credit to God. A letter allows me to say everything I need to just how I need to say it. It allows me the grace of silence, because I always get tongue-tied and worry if I'm being confusing or not.

God is amazing. God is awesome. God is my savior.