Mysterious Still

Remember when I said God works in mysterious ways? I wasn't kidding.

It's not a big secret (although I don't usually go around publicizing it) that I don't like living in my house very much. Without divulging into all the hairy details, I'll just say I'm not too happy when I have to be here.

Luckily for me, I have people standing by me to always listen to me rant and tell me what I need to hear... Which isn't always what I want to hear, but still for the better. God’s always been able to amaze me with putting just the right people in my life at just the right time. Another stroke of luck has been finding someone even closer than a best friend. I’ve been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend, (which doesn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe him in the slightest) for almost seven months now. Having a level of support that a relationship can give has been such a blessing. Sometimes, though, I feel as if I burden him too much with what I think are petty worries. It always seems that I end up feeling bothersome when I go to a friend, whether it’s my boyfriend or someone else, more and more often with my troubles, but I also can't always keep my pain to myself. (Besides, they say it's not good for one's complexion. But I digress.)

Back to that whole mysterious thing I had started with.

At times, all I want to do is sit in my room and sulk. Wallow in self-pity and cry until there's nothing left. But at other times, I'm reminded that I'm not the only human hurting, and certainly not hurting nearly as much. Tonight, a friend I've had for years, but haven't been keeping in touch with very well, said they needed to talk to someone. As I listened to what they had to say and their situation, I couldn't help but realize how good I have it; A roof over my head, food on the table, parents still married, an amazing job, a loving boyfriend who I wouldn’t trade for anything, a good education, a bright future… Etcetera etcetera.

Yes, it's important to know I'm not happy all the time, and yes, it's important to know I shouldn't have to live with this. However, it's equally as important, even more important, that I know how blessed I am. How incredibly thankful I should be to God for giving me what I have, and even what I've had and lost.

A conversation like the one I had tonight with my friend is one of the reasons why I hold so tightly to my faith. Why, every time I pray, I pray thanks. Even if I'm so mad with my dad, my brother, or another friend, I still pray thanks for them. I've tried not to before, but I just can't seem to go without acknowledging my appreciation for how my life is going so far, even if I'm not happy with it. One day I might or might not realize why things have worked out as they have, but I've also already admitted I'm okay with not understanding. All I know for certain is that God takes care of us as he sees fit. He gives us what we need. Nothing more, nothing less. All we can do is pray for the wisdom to know how to survive everyday with as much life in us as possible and to give Him all the glory while doing it.