The Days are Long

Thanks partially to genetics, I have a pretty short temper. I'm easily annoyed and I can promise you I won’t keep it to myself. In any type of upsetting situation, my most likely reaction will to huff in irritation, respond with a snarky attitude, and leave the room as soon as possible. My brain just doesn't want to deal with it, so it tunes out any logic and immediately makes excuses for my actions.

Feeling like I'm caught in a catch-22, I constantly get frustrated when I find myself getting frustrated so damn easily. I get down on myself for being so pessimistic and complaining so often to others. I think I need to vent, so I text someone- usually without realizing that's all I ever do when I text them. I not only keep myself in a bitter mood, but I keep those I spout off to under pressure to make me feel better. Even when they give great advice, if it isn't what I want to hear, I continue to complain anyway. Feeling like a burden leads to the thought that I should just keep to myself and seem like I'm okay, even though I'm not.

Enter from stage right, Gretchen Rubin.

Rubin is the author of The Happiness Project, a memoir over the course of a year where she tackles a new resolution to make herself happier every month. What I find most inspiring is the honest, real feeling you get when reading this book. Rubin doesn't succeed right off the bat on most of her resolutions, and writing about the struggle and what she's learning from it gives a sense of hope to me. Why would I want to read a book that tells me a story of a woman with a great life who sets out to be happier, and achieves even more greatness on her first try? That would be discouraging and I'd give the book up within the first few chapters.

Pushed to do so by the book, I asked myself the million-dollar question: Was I happy?

Now, I have a pretty darn good life. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and two parents who are still married. I have two brothers, neither one suffering from any detrimental disease. I have fantastic friends who will listen to me rant at no end time and time again. I have the most caring man I have ever met to call my own. So why was I asking myself if I was happy? Yeah, I would have to for the class, but I also needed to for my own sake. I wouldn’t want to continue whatever I was doing if it wasn’t making me happy.

And, in fact, I am happy. I haven’t always been able to say that, and sometimes it can still seem easier to be the Debbie Downer. If I learned anything from The Happiness Project, it was that people find it’s less of a hassle to just be sad. But Rubin also brought up the point that being happy doesn’t always mean feeling happy.

My favorite realization I took away from The Happiness Project is remembering that the days are long, but the years are short. Rubin took it as to mean that it reminds her to stay in the moment and not let her life, and especially the life of her kids, pass her by. To me, it also means something else at this point in my life. Even though I think high school is never going to end and time apart from my friends in college will be unbearable, all that I aim for and life after school will be here before I see it coming. And I want it that way. I want the time everyone tells me I should enjoy to go by quickly. Maybe my senior year should be the best time of my life right now… But why would I want the highest points to always be in high school? Peaking when I’m only 17, 18 years old would be disheartening.

Although the “real world” can be damn scary at times, more often than not, I wish I could be there. To be living away from my parents, supporting myself, and making my own life decisions sounds just too good to be so far away.